Friday Fictioneers – Still They Come

Double thanks this week to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields  for both hosting the FF crew and for this week’s photo prompt.

kitchen-window
Photo Prompt “Kitchen Window” © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Still They Come – 100 words

No fledgling knows that life will be this way.

The battle for yesterday won; conquerer am I. I claim the air I breathe. My heartbeat, home, and history. Mine. For now.

But still they come. The hours, minutes, seconds of this day. This battle yet unfought; these weapons still untried. These wings still wet, not yet unfurled.

My hand grasps leather-banded hilt; the blade seeks flesh, but whose? A voice—a lie—says I am the enemy.

A beam of morning sunlight dries my feathers.

I shake. I fly.

Heartbeat, home, and history. Still mine. I will not yield.

Today.


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19 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Still They Come

  1. Wonderful images of the daily battle to overcome whatever it might be that would beat you down. I understand depression is the focus, but it could be many things. Your story shows this powerfully.

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  2. C – I saw the struggle, and from comments I could understand it was depression, the use of morning daylight and ruffled wet feathers is most effective. I also like the reversed order, the I and me at end works most effectively. I didn’t find it so important that it was about depression, to me the every day struggle is the important. Great read.

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  3. A fantastically executed metaphor. It’s subtle. For me, the fourth line made me wonder and on rereading I understood. I think it’s okay for people not to fully understand on the first reading with poetry, that way it keeps giving when you study and reread.

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  4. C–Holy Cow–this is great! You carry the fledgling metaphor through nicely and tie it to the daily struggle, making it heroic. The only mild suggestion I have would be to be a bit more precise–eliminate “that” and reword–but this may be subjective. Does “No fledgling expects life to be this way” sound better than “No fledgling knows that life will be this way”? Not sure and in the end, the image is complete and inspiring just the way you have it.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, Sorchia. I’ve argued with myself all morning over that first line. The jury’s still out. I like the no / knows, but cringe over “that” too, and wanted to keep it non-gender specific so “his / her life” was out. I’m still open to other ideas.

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  5. This is very poetic – your uses of repetition in words, sounds and phrases all worked really well for me, without overpowering the message itself. I loved the metaphor of the fledgling that sneaks through here and there and binds it together. I must admit I didn’t fully ‘get’ it until I read the tags and saw that this was a piece about depression, but once I did it all came alive. So true.
    Not sure if that’s a critique though because making the link clearer would have taken away from the majesty of it. Maybe you could mke it a bit clearer that the wings were dry at the beginning and that the second part is a regression not just a better view of the first?
    Honestly though I loved it and the hope that comes through.

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Let me know what you think. Constructive Criticism is golden.

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